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leaves covering my lawns and driveway are very pretty, crunchy visible
proof of that. I have really struggled with fall this year. It has been
my favorite season for as long as I can recall. Well, perhaps I did
love the summertime most as a grade school kid for the obvious reason,
but autumn has always had a magic to it. It still does, but I am having
a hard time letting my summer go this time. Clearly Mother Nature, with
her apples and leaves and chilly wind and grinning pumpkins has moved
on in spite of my foot dragging.
This was a big summer that changed a
lot for me, in me, and around me. Amazing, sad, and totally unexpected
things happened that I haven't figured out yet. Things that have parts
of my life and heart set on pause. I look back on it with a crazy
mixture of sadness and unbelievable joy. The good (ha!) Buddhist in me
says that I should know better than to cling this way. "Change is constant. All things must end and turn. What are you doing?" The Pagan in me says, "Fall is a sacred and blessed time. The wheel keeps on turning no matter what."
But I am not yet capable of leaving my July and August behind. I miss
the lake, the late nights with the radio and drinks, and....someone
special that I truly care about and miss with a force that cannot be
described in any language I know. I guess I will have one foot, and
parts of my heart in both seasons for now, and maybe into winter. Life
is nothing if not complicated, eh?
As if life was not already wonky- I
have applied to the local college and for financial aid. I even took
(gulp!) placement exams. Going out to a college will make a girl feel
old if she's not careful. Perhaps it was just that one day, but I swear
it seemed as if everyone I saw was 19 and flawless. Oy. Whatever. I had
two nearly 10 lb babies. I can do college... right? Thank the Gods for
hair dye. Im'ma go ahead and be 26 forever, mmkay?
I also applied for a couple of jobs
at local nonprofit childcare facilities. Both are close to home so
walking won't really be an issue.
The kids are well! J is gearing up for
her 15th birthday in a few weeks. Her boyfriend (first, actually) is
flying in to be here for it. Wow. She really is this old now, isn't
she? Craziness. Boyfriend person seems like a sweet kid. I'm sure we
will have him broken into the freaky family that we are by the time his
weekend here is up. R is fully into playing World of Warcrack, looking
for work, and sorta kinda getting ready for his GED tests. Such a great
kid. I am reminded every day that I am extremely luck to have such
wonderful children.
Some pictures for your viewing pleasure. Happy Fall to those who can be there. Be there for me too, okay?    
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| | Posted 10/26/2008 5:47 PM - 29 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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